And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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