I hate your face
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
