My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
