your parents love me but you hate me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
MIDGETS
????
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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