He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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