I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
