Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I would ride that face into the sunset
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
