I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
