The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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