My sheets look like a crime scene.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
