I'm gonna have a badass scar
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
