I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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