are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were trust falling into bushes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
