false alarm. still invincible.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
