I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
