I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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