so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
