i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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