I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
