your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
