You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
