she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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