First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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