Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
