Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
