I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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