dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
