babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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