Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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