How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
