Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
