apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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