y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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