and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
