Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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