Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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