I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize