I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
