I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
