you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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