everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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