Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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