afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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