You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
