with your own penis?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
