I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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