My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
