I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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