My friends, they love my intelligence
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
