Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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