I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
