I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
