dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
