What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
