airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
