i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
