Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
