Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
