Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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