mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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