her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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