So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
