Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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