The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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