thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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