I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
