wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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