you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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