I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
