I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
