Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
